Daily Rounds

Let’s have a round table discussion about healthy breakfast choices: Navel Oranges. Sweet, juicy Navels are just what th_edoctor ordered. There’s nothing artificial about these golden sections of a 100 percent natural fruit. They’re high i_nnutritious vitamin C. But low in calories. Full of refreshment. And they’ll fill you full of energy.

Headline: Daily Rounds

Lead-In:

Let’s have a round table discussion about healthy breakfast choices:

Navel Oranges.

Transition:

Sweet, juicy Navels are just what the doctor ordered.

Story:

They’re high in nutritious vitamin C. But low in calories. Full of refreshment. And they’ll fill you full of energy. Pick up a dozen.

Transition:

(Pick up a dozen)* if you know what’s good for you.

Wrap-up:

What a “well”-rounded way to start the day!

*”Pick up a dozen” overlaps, as both a story call-to-action, and a transition.

Pick up a dozen, if you know what’s good for you. What a “well”-rounded way to start the day!

It’s taken just 73 words to craft a health-oriented advertisement for navel oranges. Are there any words you can cut to tighten the copy? You might omit sentence three: There’s nothing artificial about these golden sections of 100 percent natural fruit; although that copy functions to reinforce the natural goodness of the product. That reduces the word count to 61.

Notice how hardworking the copy is. In putting together the advertisement, no mention was made of two copy elements: the transition from lead-in to story, and the transition from story to wrap-up. That’s because theyalready exist in the story. Sweet, juicy Navel Oranges are just what the doctorordered not only sets up thehealth story; it’s also the bridge that leads from round table discussion to _nutritious vitamin C. And Pick up a dozen, if you know what’s good for you not only completes the story by asking for the order, it also connects what’s good for you with being well-rounded.

One last observation: read the copy aloud. Does it flow smoothly? Sound natural? Remember, an ad should sound like a conversation on paper. Make sure it is constructed in short or uncomplicated sentences, using unstilted language [Example, stilted: "We at (company name) ..." Unstilted: "At (company name), we ..."]. If you wouldn’t speak that way, don’t write that way.